1. Yes, my dudes, I am finishing my thesis the night before it is due. This was never NOT going to be the case, so, shut it.
2. I had a sudden revelation about what my professor meant about “you need some more confidence” when I was in my last meeting with both my supervisors on Tuesday (?), and even though I had stuff to show them I basically felt like throwing up the whole time because I’m scared of them. I feel like there is some alternate universe where I’m not scared of my supervisors and I don’t actively avoid working on a project I care about because it makes me feel tense and afraid.
I still don’t think she’s cutting me quite enough slack given the particularly difficult details of this particular situation, but, okay, whatever.
3. But, also, my dudes: bow down. My room is clean. My shit is gone. Long fucking live me. Every single thing I owned in Switzerland has been accounted for — given away, donated, thrown away, mailed home, or it goes on the bike with me. I have to do a couple things yet, such as “finish mopping the kitchen floor” and “wiping down the windows.” I don’t think I have ever in my whole fucking life been more ready to move.
Though I have had a lot of practice recently.
4. All my shit fits on my bike. Okay, maybe that’s too optimistic.
What has to go on my bike are following things: A. Two paper grocery bags full of clothes and things like sunscreen B. my sleeping bag C. towel D. tent E. me with my backpack.
Right now I can say the two grocery bags are perfectly safe bungee’d to the luggage rack. Obviously that leaves backpack, sleeping bag, towel, and tent. I have more luggage straps and if all goes well I will be purchasing some new, 40 L bike panniers tomorrow after I turn in my thesis.
5. Did I ever tell you guys I’m planning to bike across France?
Well. I’m planning to bike across France. From here to Cherbourg, in Normandy, in ten and a half days. I’m pretty excited, though please God let it stop raining someday. IN THE NEXT TEN DAYS, PREFERABLY.
6. Saw the Ex-friend for what is possibly the last time (but probably not, argh) and I gave him/the lab back the last of the tea he gave me last February. He laughed, and I wanted to yell, “YUP, SO FUNNY THAT I COULDN’T DRINK THIS TEA WITHOUT THINKING OF YOU AND FEELING INCREDIBLY DEPRESSED, YUP.”
No tea. Also I am passive-aggressive. Whatever.
7. I keep on keepin’ on.
I have an unfortunate way of suspecting that people I have mild warm fuzzies for have mild warm fuzzies for me.
Still so many pages of thesis to write! So little time is left!
And yet I have ALL THE ENERGY to pack, I have NONE OF THE ENERGY TO WRITE.
So that’s the upside, I guess: my stuff is virtually all gone now. Yay go me.
The problem is that what I have that needs to go to Ireland to me fits in two paper grocery sacks. Which is… a little too much stuff. Argh argh shit damn.
As I work on my thesis graphics, I am listening to the recorded versions of Jenny Trout’s Fifty Shades read-through. They are A. absolutely fucking hilarious B. in the conversational style that makes me feel safe and happy.
The problem (mildly disturbing problem? WHO KNOWS) is now I am really craving a good set of romance novels (with, ahem, bonus material), but written by someone who is not the petty-minded, unimaginative, mildly stupid, woman-hating toad that E.L. James shows every sign of being.
No, seriously. If anyone can send me recommendations for romance novels where the heroine doesn’t have fucking “alabaster skin” and look awesomely beautiful all the time, and they don’t resort to gender essentialist tropes (NORA ROBERTS AND YOUR AGGRESSIVE PUSHING OF GENDER STEREOTYPES ON TODDLERS, I AM LOOKING AT YOU), and they have REAL SEX where they have to actually talk at each other occasionally and they don’t just orgasm on the power of a wish and good intentions — IF YOU HAVE RECOMMENDATIONS, SEND ME THEM. Pls.
One of the things I do is make up alternate storylines for media phenomena which I suspect I could not tolerate sitting through, but which is widespread enough that I can’t avoid knowing a ton about it.
Examples: I have my own Twilight AU and 50 Shades AU. No, I have never read either of these series. But I like to imagine a different universe where something more interesting than what they actually are exploded in popularity.
So I have 12 pages written of my 25 page case study. Good, good.