when a hand-painted postcard means, “you are very attractive, but you are far away and maybe dating other people, so I will just send you this with a vague friendly message on the back and think vague lecherous thoughts in the general direction of your beard.”
When men say that they “love to see the woman underneath the makeup,” they’re not saying they want to see your leg stubble and greasy bangs—they’re saying they want you to be better at hiding your maintenance routine. Because the maintenance spoils the fantasy.
if youre in a heterosexual relationship like who gets to be the woman and who gets to be the other woman?
ARGH I KNOW THIS IS A JOKE BUT I WISH THIS WAS THE GENERALLY UNDERSTOOD MODEL OF RELATIONSHIPS
I DON’T GO INTO FEMALE-FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS WORRYING ABOUT WHAT THE OTHER PERSON EXPECTS OF ME PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, AND APPEARANCE-WISE
IF THEY LIKE ME THEY LIKE ME
IF THEY DON’T THEY DON’T
(p.s. maybe dude-dude relationships are also less fraught but I am not familiar with those so much)
FUCK I FEEL REALLY EMBARRASSED WHEN I THINK PEOPLE [MEN] ARE ATTRACTIVE BECAUSE ARGH IT’S STUPID AND I AM PRETTY SURE I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO THROUGH THIS TEN FUCKING YEARS AGO BUT I AM GOING THROUGH IT NOW AND BAAAAAAAAAAH
(also — I don’t know how to say this — but to be honest I keep being surprised that I appear to be primarily heterosexual. Just because… I dunno… it just seems odd that I would feel attracted to MENZ when I feel threatened and invalidated by MENZ in the context of intimate relationships in real life. Things can change, I guess. Maybe I will end up having sex with a MENZ and decide it is not actually my cup of tea at all.) (I don’t think I am secure enough in myself or comfortable enough in my beliefs to have sex just for the sake of experimentation and figuring stuff out. I made my chart and I think that if/when I have sex, I want it to be in the “good” column, where it is preceded by feeling A+ absolutely sure attracted to someone.)
I’m all about unforgiving and hating and holding grudges because it keeps me safe and mentally healthy and I don’t care about your stupid feel-good quotes about forgiving everyone everywhere always so you can take your feel-good emotionally manipulative apologist bullshit and shove it
I worked in lab because my supervisor kind of suggested it so I could ask her if I had any questions, but being in lab makes me so stressed that I couldn’t get any work done.
Not that I feel super duper positive toward labpeeps when meeting them in an outside context, but it’s not *as bad* as seeing them in the context where I felt so convinced there was no place for me I started thinking about getting rid of myself entirely.
Great. Fuck me. Fuck my life.
I WAS TOTALLY RIGHT NOT TO WORK IN LAB THIS TERM BECAUSE IT GIVES ME THE FUCKING NERVES TO LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHO I HAVE UNPLEASANT EMOTIONAL ASSOCIATIONS WITH TALKING ALL THE TIME MY GOD
WHY AM I NICE TO SHITTY PEOPLE
omg i just searched the met’s online catalogue for everything in the cloisters collection with “unicorn” in the description, and found these tapestries
they are without a doubt the most heroic depictions of a unicorn that i have ever seen
The unicorn tapestries in the Cloisters were freakishly important to my eight-year-old self.
ETA: I had a book called The Truth About Unicorns, and it basically gave an overview of a ton of the vaguely one-horned animal myths in Europe/Asia/Africa (the Ki-rin, various mythical asses, myths associated with the Indian rhinoceros, the practice in certain African countries of transplanting one cow’s horn buds together to make it head cow, narwhals, and of course loads of stuff about the white goaty guy that’s standard in French/English myth), and it had a full-color set of plates in the middle of the Cloisters tapestries. Holy shit did I spend hours staring at those.